Ashes, ashes, we all fall down...

That line in the game that little kids play always made me think of my cat. This post is dedicated to my sweet boy that passed on Saturday. Now, I know that there isn't proof that animals will be in Heaven, but I know that God is our Father, so He'll want to make me happiest. And that will be having my cat right up there next to me while I'm praising God. Might be a little lame to admit that, but that's how I feel. Plus, hey, he wouldn't have to worry about weight problems, so Ashes will probably get all the Pounce treats he could ask for.

It was really tough letting him go yesterday morning. Apparently he wasn't really eating, going to the bathroom, no begging for food, or meowing really. It was definitely heartbreaking to make the final decision to let "my baby" go. It was weird thinking of everything as Ashes "last"... so he got his last bites of biscuits and gravy, and his last drink of water from "his cup". Daddy took a couple of pictures of him and me. Beautiful I'm sure because I was all red anyways from crying. I got to sit on the couch with him and have him curl up next to me... and he purred one little second and went to sleep. That vet trip was probably one of the worst things I've ever had to do just because he's meowing his "Going to the vet" meow and I'm saying "its ok" but it isn't going to be ok... We went to the vet where Kinsey (my newest friend) works because I wanted someone to be in there that at least knows me. I wanted to go in with him so he wouldn't feel abandoned. They gave him a shot to relax him and then the shot that put him to sleep. It was really hard leaving him in that room because he didn't seem dead. We didn't take him because we thought the dogs might try to dig where we buried him. I regret it a bit now but its for the best. And really it doesn't matter I guess. My dad is going to build some sort of memorial thing in the backyard, that's really nice of him.

Now some of you might think its crazy that I'd get so emotional over a cat, but Ashes wasn't just a cat. He was a part of my life for 16 years, he'd lived in all of my childhood homes. He was my constant friend growing up during the times that I was lonely since I had like one close friend pretty much. He was my little purr baby. Yes, he was a snob to others but not so much to me. He wasn't the cuddly cat that just knew when you were upset, but he was the sweetheart that would shove his head under my chin when he wanted a kiss on the forehead. Or he'd give the "suck up" look when he'd really want something you were eating. Which was the case a lot of the time. Or there were the times where I managed to sneak him into my room at night so he wouldn't go out, and he'd curl up next to me at night purring like a madman and kneeding his claws into my leg. Or those nights when I had insomnia, and watched Xena- a long time ago- and he'd perk up when the centaurs came on the screen. I'll miss the little things like that. Ashes jumping on the bed and waiting for me to arrange myself so he'd have his perfect curling up position. Having him run into the bathroom when I was in there so he'd get a drink. Or making sure to save a little of my dinner so he could have a little of everything. That cat would eat more veggies than I would!

It was tough today at my parents... I got up a couple of times to look for him because that's so much of a habit. Come in, say hi to my parents and go find my cat. Eating lunch was tough b/c I didn't have a paw or head up bumping my arm... and sitting on the couch reading the paper and not having my little furr ball squished in between me and my mom. It seems lately that I'm at a loss of words to clearly express my feelings at times when I want to express them most. I know that it'll get easier. But I don't think there will ever be another cat like my sweet baby, Ashes. I miss you Ashiepoo.

His picture is below. Aww, cuteness.