Amazing Race - Marco Island

*This was originally written as Frick and Frack but I changed them to H and Amber. Keep in mind, this was written at 1:30AM w/ little sleep all weekend. All events are true w/ the exception of embellishments about Christy's love life. :)
The Players:
Heather-aka, Frick, Princess Di,and Nicole
Amber-aka, Frack, Fergie, and Paris
Christy-aka, Hot Totti's Hottie
Terri-aka, The Photographer
Tommy-aka, CoronaMan - Cheryl's hubby
Cheryl-aka, Scooper(she knows all the good stuff)
Anoymous Man-aka Creepy
Boat Captain-aka Captain Crunch
Hot Totti- the bell hop at our hotel
"Hootchie" - an actress
RPG- Ricky Paull Goldin (my puppy's namesake)
John - John Driscoll, "Coop" on GL
Dougie - Doug Hutchison "Sebastian" on GL -also was creepy guy on "The Green Mile"
*Names may be changed to protect the innocent*

Team-"WHO TALKS FIRST?"
Day 1- Flights and Driving Time. Christy starts 1st love affair with Hot Totti. Quietness reigns among H and Amber.
Day 2- Friday Night-Dolphin Watch/Private Party. Get aboard "Rambling Rose" yacht. Dolphins and Stingray sightings. Captain Crunch guided our 3 hour tour much to Christy's delight. The Team offered to get a photo with Christy and the Captain but she explained that he had been in the back of her mind all year so it wasn't needed. While on the boat, Christy was approached by Creepy, the two chatted for the entire ride. A connection was made. Drama between Captain and Creepy over Christy begins. Later we arrive for the private party at Alan Jackson's Multi Million dollar mansion(That's Hot). There was a name check at the door and valet parking. Quietness continues amongst the underdog team. After a pep talk from Jamie*, our drunken hostess, we encounter Terri, Christy, and Cheryl talking to John Driscoll(That's Hot). The team stood in silence in the presence at the sight of our 1st mission. John chatted about his life, and asked us questions we actually managed to answer. He then commented that he felt like getting in the pool with his shirt on, unfortunately he opted to remain dry. The gentlemanly John decided to head to the bar and asked us if we wanted a drink(That's Hot). We obliged and he arrived back with our drinks. As the conversation with John continued, Terri turns to "Hootchie" and delivers the funny, yet slightly cruel comment, "You're Dead!"(and that's Not hot!) As the teamates laugh, "Hootchie" makes an exit and John is soon gone as well. The Team goes to get pasta and sit in the corner with Christy, and Terri. Drunken Jamie* appears in a "happy state of mind" and scolds us for not mingling. So then the idea was born from Amber's mind on swiping the glasses that John brought us. The task, at first, was daunting,but clear heads prevailed. A plot was hatched, and put into motion.
ROAD BLOCK- Tight security! There were several security guards and cameras in the mansion. Luckily our dear buddy Tommy was headed out on his first on many smoke breaks. We managed to escape when Alvin*(Head of Security) took his opportunity to "tail" RPG. A few moments later the glasses were safely outside the mansion.(High Five). Our next obstacle was to get the glasses to the get-away car. Terri gave advice on how to cover up the crime and we proceeded to the car. After encountering difficulty finding the key, The Team returned to the steps of Alan Jackson's mansion, where we found Tommy, lighting yet another cigarette. H came up with the idea to "borrow" the key from the Valet/Dog Walker. H and Amber obtained the key and safely hid the glassware. Mission Complete. NOT ELIMINATED!
Day 3 Morning- Day begins with primping. This event has 2 missions.
-Asking for pictures with John on the beach.
-Asking for Doug and Dinner in Marco.
ROAD BLOCK: Time constraints
At the Brunch the actors told jokes, did Q&A's and auctioned items. RPG chose our table, he sat down, asked everyone's name and chatted. RPG's comment when he finally recognized H from last yearwas "You've grown up!" (mmkay) He mentioned the "festive" decorations, and encouraged a lady to put the centerpiece in her purse(That's funny). Amber spent most of the table time wanting to push one of the ladies at Doug's table out of her chair. H kept an eye on John, who was a few tables away. Ricky was distracted by the "Pink Ladies"(loud obnoxious whores), he made fun of one, telling them to "Have another drink"(laughter)
Mission 1-Amber approaches John, takes picture, then asks John for another good pose, John thinks for a minute and then pulls out a chair so Amber can sit on his lap. Amber takes John aside, and asks him for 5 minutes on the beach with the team. John says "Sure, yeah, definitely". H gets her first picture with John, and sits on his lap(That's Hot) Mission Successful! Not Eliminated.
Mission 2-We approached Doug, who appeared to be incognito as Jack Nicholson(in cap and sunglasses). H asks Dougie to help two "poor girls" get a meal in Marco. Dougie, looking creepy yet hot, says, "I would love to"(That's Hot) but his weekend was booked(Thats Not Hot!) Pictures were taken, Amber hugged Dougie, he rubbed her back as she left, and she had her first mental black-out from excitement.Mission Semi-Successful. NOT ELIMINATED!


Day 3 Evening-The Team and friends head to dinner. Tommy and Cheryl were nice enough to buy us dinner. We chatted, had fun, and left for Blu Fusion. Someone had been smoking marijuana when they arrive, Terri notices the smell immediately(how? we're not sure;) 9:30pm Meet Dougie in the bar(he is no longer wearing his disguise, the hair is coiffed, he's looking hot), he takes a second and then recognizes Amber. Dougie goes to hug Amber(That's Hot) Amber says, what would be the lead off statement to every question that weekend..."Would it be wierd"...."if I touched your hair? Dougie, still a bit creepy, laughs a little, and says "sure"(That's Hot) Amber's fantasy of running her fingers through "that hair" is realized...Moving on. Spot John on the dance floor(wearing a black tank top and a fleece jacket), The team approaches John, before the Team can speak, John says" Wow! You girls look great"(That is SO Hot). More pictures are taken. John says he is sorry we couldn't take pictures today, but we will do it tomorrow(That's Hot). Meanwhile Dougie is being monopolized by "Ho Downs". Amber intervenes for her first moment on Doug's lap(That was SO hot, trust me)(H still finds Dougie creepy) The Team goes to the dance floor, Tom and John are there. John comes up to Amber, says "hey" and begins dancing and shaking his butt against Amber. Amber tries not to wet herself, while H looks on...pissed. Amber then gets sandwiched between John and Tom for a photo...H approaches for her sandwich, but is cut off at the pass by "Old Slut Girl". H's Fantasy Extinguished.....Later that night, John takes a perfect picture with Christy and sits at our table. John and H have a very close and intimate conversation(That's Hot)H gives John her number. John is giddy over the Milk Duds given to him by H. True to his nature, John shares his candy with the group. H gets another picture on John as he scoops her on to his lap(That's SO Hot). Talking continues until "Hootchie" rudely interrupts and hauls John off to the dance floor where she proves why she has her nickname. Dougie and John are on the dance floor with "Hootchie" and "Ho Downs", The team goes outside, and much to their surprise, find Tommy smoking. We soon encountered Mark Doo-bee(the team now knows where the smell came from) who was clearly off his face. After Amber's insistence of 15,000 pictures. H is able to get pictures enveloped in his arms. Next Target, Micheal O'Leary. Micheal gets H in an "embrace" and begins to grope her(That's Not Hot!) -- he was squeezing my side...
Final Day-Early Morning the team drives around Marco lookin for a doo-rag aka headgear aka bandana so Amber could give it to Doug. No one in Marco has ever heard of such a thing. Nothing could be found in Bealls(Be-Al's) except for a man scarf and some fake hair we were tempted to purchase for the "Pink Ladies". As a last resort the team takes their lives into their own hands and pulls over to ask two bikers where to find the doo-rag. After confused looks at the teams explanation of a doo-rag, one biker jokingly offers his own head gear for the completion of the mission. H's gullability makes her pause to consider the offer. Alas no deal was made. We moved on to find a pink paisley doo-rag but rejected it in favor of a "manly enough" leather bracelet(stamped by Tommy's approval, who was strangly not lighting or pulling out a cigarette)...We board the Marco Island Princess at noon. Dougie arrives and begins to mingle, approaches Amber and asks, "Where were you last night?(That's Hot). Amber replies, "I was in the bar". Dougie says, "I was on the dance floor, you should have come and grabbed me"(That's even more HOT!) Amber informs Dougie that she can't dance. Dougie doesn't believe that. Dougie sits down with Amber and she explains the morning mission. Amber then gives Dougie his gift, he says "I love this, I wear these all the time, thank you so much, will you put it on me?" As Amber puts the braclet around his wrist, her mind tells her that this gesture should make them legally married in 14 of the 50 states.A meaningful conversation ensues(That's Hot) A group of whorehoppers try to remove Dougie but he is firmly planted in his devotion to Amber. Amber sits on Dougie's lap, she tells H to hurry with the photo, that she is to heavy to sit on his lap. Dougie playfully tells Amber "oh hush" and bounces Amber up and down on his knee. Amber has second mental black out. Dougie tells H "That is a cute top". Amber gets jealous, and tells Dougie, "Excuse me! Do not be complimenting someone else while I'm sitting on your lap". Dougie laughs. Great pictures are taken. The relentless whorehoppers return, Dougie stands up....as they are fiddling with their cameras, Dougie leans back down and kisses Amber on the cheek. No words are exchanged, Amber looses brain cells. Dougie gives Amber "the stare" and then grabs her hand, and holds it while still being a gentleman, waiting for the whorehoppers. Dougie exits and tells Amber, "I'll see you in a bit". John comes out and talks to H again, then he sits on her lap John snaps a photo, then moves over to Amber's lap. John tells Amber to make a silly face. John and Amber stick out their tongues for the picture Amber "unknowingly" gets her hands dangerously close to John's crotch. John moves to Christy's lap and the perfect picture is taken. H asks John for a tongue picture, he makes a face like a goober, then does the MSN "Dead Smiley" on H....Michael O'Leary approaches the team, and we ask the boat captain to take our picture. A great, grope-free picture is taken, but the captain notices a passerby in the picture. "Hey! That guy was in your picture!" The captain angrily proclaims! MOL and team slowly inch away from the deranged captain, who may have beat Dougie in the creepy department. MOL asks if we have seen the drunken woman in a skimpy, slutty autographed dress. The team confirms that the woman has been spotted, and Micheal says "Oh Yeah, She wanted to have my baby". H does a hilarious imppression of "slutty girl" by sticking her own butt up on MOL(That's funny). We laugh and MOL moves on. Dougie walks up and says "Good-bye my dah-lings"(That's Hot). Dougie says "So next year..." Amber interupts and says, "You have to bring me something." Dougie says "Yeah! And next time you and I are going dancing(That's Hott with 2 -t's). Amber agrees with a nod, as she cannot speak, she manages to tell Dougie it was nice to meet him. Dougie goes in for another hug and kissed Amber on the cheek. H jumps in and hilariously demands, "You HAVE to kiss her again so I can get a picture". Dougie laughs and obliges(That's Hot). Dougie gives H the obligatory kiss on the cheek. Dougie says, "Goodbye dah-lings and blows a kiss as he walks away"(Damn that's HOT, even H admits that was HOT). Mission's Completed!
Final Thoughts:
*It takes teamwork to open a hotel door.
*A brazen hussy always needs an evil sidekick.
*When it comes to sleeping in Marco, You either get the hump or the crack. Capt. Crunch, if you read this, Christy said she prefers the hump ;)
*"Just a bit" is no longer a phrase to be mocked.
*Dan Gaither will never forget his two favorite "stalkers".
*Never expect to have a conversation with a drunk guy with out getting groped or a "How you doin?".
*In regards to Mark Dobies, objects are larger in real life than they appear on tv.
*Never try to find a hide a key in the dark.
*Mailboxes have mutiple purposes.
*We're Hot for Once-That's Hot!
*Never take a "stalk walk" without insect repellent. (H's 21 mosquito bites just on her back)
*Doug's Carrots
*Never climb onto Alan Jackson's mansion roof top by ladder unless your team member is present.
*Tom Pelphrey only think's it's "weird" if you show up at his apartment with his dead cat in your hands.
*God Bless America and Marco Island
Next Mission: Marco Island Spring 2006 Frack's date with Dougie; Frick and John on the beach